Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
