nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
