margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
