I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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