eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't turn off my feet"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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