He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
