Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
