My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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