who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
