I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
