I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Damn victory sex feels great
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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