I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
