I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
