We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
