She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
