We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We are two peas in an std pod
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
