You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
