i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
