I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
