For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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