Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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