guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
