i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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