ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why didn't you poke me back
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
