so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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