thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
