he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
