I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
