when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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