I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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