you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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