May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
