There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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