i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
