so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
