just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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