I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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