I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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