Her vagina should come with caution tape.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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