her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
