If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
