I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize