I cut my penus on the lid.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
