I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
