was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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