he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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