so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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