I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
