So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im six kinds of drunk right now
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
