Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
