Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
babies were throwing up all over the place
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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