I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All I want is dick and wine.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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