batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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