Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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