when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
