I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
