did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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