Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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