and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
