Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
