like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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