At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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