this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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