ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize